It can cut when people leave. Years of emotional investment thrown away, all that time amounting to nothing.
The hurt of a friend turned foe. The scorn of an enemy you once embraced like family. There are no words powerful enough to describe the pain, the disappointment, and the overwhelming shame that washes over you when such relationships dissolve.
You can’t quite shake the feeling that you should have seen the signs, that you should have learned from the last time. It’s difficult to forgive yourself for giving the benefit of the doubt to the wrong people. Their rudeness and abusive behavior stung even more because I received attention they envied. My habit of over sharing meant I unwittingly provided them with ammunition, loading the very details that would be used to destroy my reputation.
In retrospect, I learned the importance of self-acceptance. Embracing my worth and recognizing my flaws became imperatives. I realized the crucial role of boundaries in protecting my emotional energy and maintaining my well-being.
“The deepest betrayal is the one we commit against ourselves.”
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Why I Walked Away
I learned this lesson the hard way. I once lent a sizeable amount of money to someone out of sympathy, only to realize later that they were competitive, jealous, and intentionally recruited enemies to harm me. They spoke maliciously about me, driven by envy, and their abusive parasitic nature turned friendship into betrayal.
It hurt, but I recognized that I didn’t want to enter a co-dependent relationship. Clinging to the friendship simply because I had no one else would trap me in the same toxic patterns. Letting go became essential for my mental health and personal growth.
Initially, I thought I should stay stoic, pretending everything was fine while gradually distancing myself to avoid negative impacts. But over time, I faced a stark truth: this person was controlling, manipulative, and deceptive, never truly invested in my well-being. Developing my intuition helped me understand that I didn’t have to share everything about myself; keeping my life private became imperative to protect myself from their cruelty.
Such a relationship is not a worthy investment of time, energy, or resources.
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The Realization
The truth is, the pain doesn’t just stem from their betrayal. It arises from the painful realization that you betrayed yourself.
You didn’t devote the attention, energy, and love to your own soul. We often believe that loving someone else will lift the burden of loving ourselves. But you can’t pour from an empty cup. You cannot give what you do not have.
“Keeping a friendship out of loneliness is just another form of self-abandonment.”
We must embrace our whole selves and listen to our inner wisdom. We need to love others from a place of peace, with the understanding that everything eventually comes to an end. The joy lies in savoring the moment and detaching from the outcome. Mindfulness has taught me that attachment is what causes our suffering.
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How to Heal
We grieve the loss of the relationship, lingering on it and often failing to learn. Yet, our brains are wired to adapt, heal, and recover from trauma.
If we continue to dwell, rehash, and obsess over all the possible endings, we’re choosing to inflict ourselves with mental anguish.
What if instead, we took a moment — even just a couple of hours over a few days — to focus on the best aspects of knowing that person? Their finest traits. The moments that brought us joy. The parts of ourselves we liked when we were around them.
Write it down. Then, actively seek out people in your life who possess those same qualities. Find someone who can make you laugh like they did. Notice others’ unique styles. Purchase a fragrance that captivates, even more than the one they wore.
Practicing gratitude for these moments helps shift our focus from loss to appreciation for the good experiences we had.
“Your mind is built to recover — but only if you stop choosing to torture yourself.”
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Turning the Focus Inward
And remember: something about you attracted that person to your life in the first place. If you reconnect with that same confidence and mindset, you’ll draw someone new into your life — someone better aligned with your essence.
You cannot recover the time invested, but you need not waste more of it being sad. Instead, celebrate your achievements and the lessons learned. Each experience has contributed to your resilience.
Reflect on the hardships endured that you never want to repeat — the toxic patterns, the pieces of yourself lost to anger, hurt, or despair. The realization that I needed to keep parts of myself hidden became a protective measure, leading to a stronger sense of self-awareness.
Be grateful. Because now, you have a roadmap. You know what to avoid and are equipped to pursue new people, places, and opportunities that resonate with what you genuinely want and deserve.
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Walking Into the Light
Shed the darkness of the past. It was a tunnel you had to crawl through to reach self-reflection. Forgive yourself. Keep moving forward. Walk into the light where your future self is waiting to embrace you.
You remain a soul deserving of care, love, tenderness, respect, trust, intimacy, and companionship. Rest now. Start looking for those qualities inside of yourself. Grant yourself the grace, self-care, self-respect, loyalty, and validation you’ve been searching for in the world. Realizing that self-care is not selfish has transformed how I view my needs.
Find a discipline. Embrace lifelong learning. Make sacrifices now to nurture your future self. Whether it’s exercise, reading, or learning a new skill — invest in your relationship with yourself. Build a reputation with yourself based on the commitment you make to your personal growth.
“When we abandon our own dreams to pursue someone else’s, that’s the greatest betrayal of all.”
This time, trust your intuition.
You’ve learned your lesson. There’s no need to punish yourself. Instead, begin the pilgrimage of self-love. Engage in profound self-care.
You will never turn your back on yourself again.
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Bad Girl Bible 
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